So where are you really from?
As an ethnic minority in Britain you will have found yourself answering this question at some point in your life somewhere in Britain or even in mainland Europe.
This week just gone, it came to light that a lady of color; Ngozi Fulani who runs a charity; Sistahs Space, took to Twitter to describe in some detail a conversation that transpired between her and a member of the Royal household at a charity event at Buckingham Palace. This conversation by the end of week had gathered so much publicity that the member of the Royal household was compelled to resign her position amid accusations of racism.
Ngozi Fulani as the head of a women’s shelter charity had been in attendance at a charity event at Buckingham Palace. Sometime during this event, she was approached by an elderly white lady who it transpired is Lady Susan Hussey, the late Queen’s lady in waiting.
Ngozi Fulani describes the conversation thus:
Lady SH: Where are you from?
NF: Sistah Space
Lady SH: No, where do you come from?
NF: We are based in Hackney
SH: No, what part of Africa are you from?
NF: Idont know, they didn’t leave any records
SH: Well, you must know where you are from. i have spent time in France. Where are you from?
NF: Here. UK.
SH:No. but what nationality are you?
NF: I am born here and am British
SH: No, but where do you really come from. Where do your people come from,?
NF: My People? lady! What is this?
SH: oh I can see I am going to have a challenge getting you to say where you’re from. When did you first come here?
NF: Lady, I am a British national, my parents came here in the 50’s when….
SH: Oh, i knew we’d get there in the end. You’re Caribbean.
NF: No Lady, I am of African heritage, Caribbean descent and British nationality
………..
Anyone of minority ethnicity in Britain will have at some point in their life faced the question, “where are you from? I mean really from?”
We’ve all been there before. We know the drill. I faced that question a mere week or so ago. Contrary to all the screams of racism and associated horror, I have a very different take on it which I partially expressed in a direct response to Sistah Space’s initial tweet on the subject.
To qualify my position, I was also born in Britain (London) of Nigerian parents. So I guess you could say I am first generation British of Nigerian descent. In my over half a century of life on this planet I have schooled in both Nigeria and Britain. Most but not all of my professional life has been spent in Europe (Including Britain)
So I was in a dept store in central London recently with my sister. As you do. We were in a queue to pay for our goods, then a lady behind us asks my sister if she got her umbrella from the store. Turns out the lady was shopping for a quality brolly which she was not able to source in that particular store. As we inch forward towards the check-out, I am in animated jovial chat with my sister when the same lady asks me where we are from? I respond to the lady that we were both born here in London of Nigerian descent. To which the lady exclaims with some enthusiasm, “wonderful” She then goes to explain that she had spent a part of her life living in kenya, cos her husband is a diplomat. She further explains that they are originally from Malaysia. Her husband is currently serving in Australia and she came here to visit one of her kids, having been in Malaysia visiting another two of her children before she returns to Australia to her husband. We exchanged pleasantries around the subject of travelling and dual nationalities and bade her farewell and departed.
Point is this, we are all human beings which means we are intelligent social beings with a capacity to interact with one another. Chat, mingle, co-exist. That’s what separates us from wild animals who for whatever reason will not share the same space. I could easily have answered to this lady that we are British and that would be that. However, I sensed her interest in us and obliged to her probing in the spirit of being social. Everyone left the scene that bit happier for the interaction.
When you attend an event. Especially one where you are wearing a name tag, it is, in my experience to encourage mingling and socializing.So it is to be expected that you will be approached and interaction is sought and encouraged. Its not an occassion where a group of friends get to dance around their handbags to the exclusion of everyone else.
Now lets dive a little deeper, Ngozi Fulani (Not her real name by the way) is the head of a leading women’s refuge charity. She would have been quite used to networking and engaging with people at different levels. This job pays her somewhere in the region of $75,000 per year plus expenses. So she is earning well above the average income bracket in the UK. This is no ordinary hard up daughter of immigrants. She would or should know her way around the social circles of charity fundraising. Given the company she kept that evening, it was obvious that this was an occasion for meet and greet, there would be a lot of chit chat and get to know you.
Some of those present would be precisely the profile of people who could bring much needed resources to her charity. So when Lady Susan Hussey came along and asked her the question; where are you from? she could have just as easily played along and aswered the question in the context which she obviously knew the question was being asked. Once they got past that awkward introduction there may well have been opportunities to build bridges with influential and connected figures such as Lady Susan Hussey.
The other more wider implication of the fall out of all of this is that for future such situations, a Lady Susan Hussey might in future not be so willing to engage in conversation for fear of being accused of saying something inappropriate. Which means that this creates more walls for people of colour to climb than it does bringing down such walls. The next Ngozi Fulani may not even get an invite for fear of what an old aunt or uncle might clumsily utter in their presence. Ngozi Fulani’s duty at the very least was not to close more doors than she opens.
We should not always be too quick to judge. Given the circumstances, Ms Fulani had a lot of options to deploy in tackling this matter than the one she eventually opted for; going public with the matter which cost the old dear her job.
With a bit more understanding it need not have ever come to that.
Finally and most importantly is the issue of Britishness. Ngozi Fulani by all accounts is very proud of her African roots and merely seeing images of her and her dress sense tells you as much. I mentioned at the top of this piece that Ngozi Fulani is not her real name. Her real name is in fact; Marlene Headley.
The name Ngozi Fulani is Nigerian in its origins; Ngozi being a very typical Igbo name meaning Blessing. Whilst Fulani is the name of a northern Nigerian nomadic tribe. A bit of a curious combination but that’s what she chose for whatever reason. Point being that by her attire and name, it is clear that she clearly is representing something or somewhere that isn’t British and that on its own might be a trigger for anyone to be curious and ask the question. You can’t be all dripped in ethnic and then only offer Hackney as your origins.
This also got me thinking; Why is it so difficult for some people to admit to their ethnicity or at least where their descendants came from? in my case, once I mention Nigeria, it carries with it so many connotations and insinuations, often negative but i have never thought not to mention my origins for any of those reasons. If you are proud to wear the colours then why not be proud to assert that your origins extend beyond Hackney and get on with it.
We really need more tolerance and understanding in this world. Sending Lady Susan Hussey back into her shell is not the sort of impression we want to leave on the world. It serves no one positively compared to say better dialogue and engagement which in turn leads to understanding and a much more positive lasting impression.
Just my view. You are welcome to disagree. Just be civil in so doing.
